初一上册英语笑话阅读

2017-05-15

初一上册英语笑话：The Use of a Handsaw(手锯的用处)

At the mall, my wife and I picked up some hardware items, including a handsaw. We were heading back to the car when we passed a steakhouse. Let's try it. " my wife suggested. Although I felt a little foolish carrying the saw, I followed her inside. Scanning the menu, my wife told the waitress, " I' 11 have chopped sirloin, please. The waitress turned to me, eyed my saw and commented, "And I see that. you, sir, have come for our T-bone special.

初一上册英语笑话：Ways to Report Death(报丧方式)

Two brothers, Herbert and James, lived with their mother and a cat named Edgar. James was particularly attached to the cat, and when he had to leave town for several days, he left Herbertmeticulous instructions about the pet' s care. At the end of this first day away. James telephoned his brother. "How is Edgar?"

"Edgar is dead." Herbert answered. There was a pause. Then James said, "Herbert, you're insensitive, you know how close I was to Edgar -you should have broken the news to me slowly. When I asked about Edgar tonight, you should have said, 'Edgar's on the roof , but I have called the fire department to get him down.' And tomorrow when I called, you could have said the firemen were having trouble getting Edgar down, but you were hopeful they would succeed. Then when I called the third time, you could have told me that the fire-men have done their best, but unfortunately Edgar had fallen off the roof and was at the veterinarian's. Then when I called the last time, you could have said that although everything possible had been done for Edgar, he had died. That's the way a sensitive man would have told me about Edgar. And, oh, before I forget," James added, "how is mother?"

"Oh," Herbert said, pausing for a moment, "She' s on the roof."

初一上册英语笑话：Wedding or Not(要否结婚)

Uncle Frank, at 79, was a healthy and wealthy man, a lifelong bachelor. He courted a lot, he said, but "never boiled over-just simmered." On a whim, he decided to take a trip around the country to look up nearly a dozen old girlfriends.

Upon his return he exclaimed, "Whew! Thank goodness I never married any of those women - They're all widows now!

初一上册英语笑话：A Thank-you Note(一封感谢信)

Once I received a thank-you note from a friend whom I had helped. In the envelope were fivelottery tickets that had been scratched, revealing the numbers. "Thank you very much for your help," the note read. "As a gift, I bought you some lottery tickets- sorry you didn't win. "

初一上册英语笑话：The Nice Wedding Gift(漂亮的结婚礼物)

We attended the wedding of an acquaintance's son. Because we did not know the young man or his bride, we decided to send them a practical household gift, a fire extinguisher.Apparently, the couple mass-produced their thank-you notes because we received a card saying: "Thank you very much for the nice wedding gift. We look forward to using it soon.

初一上册英语笑话：Hunting Skills(打猎的技巧)

Two Russian hunters meet. "I shot a gigantic bear yesterday," says Ivan. "Look at the hide!"

"How do you find such huge bears?" Sergei asks.

"Easy," says Ivan. "You stand in front of a cave and whistle. When the bear comes out, you shoot."

Weeks later the two meet again. Sergei is covered in bandages. "Didn't you follow my advice?" Ivan asks.

"Sure I did. I stood, in front of a cave and whistled, " Sergei replies.

"And what came out?"

"To me, "says Sergei, "it looked like the Trans-Siberian Express."

初一上册英语笑话：Bring Me a Glass of Milk(捎杯牛奶)

At 2 a. m, Mrs. Culkin was convinced that she had heard a prowler in the living, room. "Tiptoe down-stairs," she told her husband. "Don' t turn on the lights. Sneak up him before he knows what's happening

Dutifully Mr. Culkin put on his robe. Just as he reached the bedroom door, his wife added, "And when you come back, bring me a glass of milk."