经典的高中英语笑话精选

近年来,冷笑话作为一种新兴的语言现象在网络、杂志上十分盛行。它的传播方式并非特定,既能通过网络等媒体进行传播,也能通过人们口耳相传,因此在内容上能不断重组和更新。小编分享经典的高中英语笑话，希望可以帮助大家!

经典的高中英语笑话：The Lawyer's Death Certificate

A defending attorney was cross examining a coroner.

The attorney asks, "Before you signed the death certificate had you taken the man's pulse?"

The coroner says, "No."

The attorney then asks, "Did you listen for a heart beat?"

"No."

"So when you signed the death certificate you had not taken any steps to make sure the man was dead, had you?"

The coroner, now tired of the brow beating says, "Well, let me put it this way. The man's brain was sitting in a jar on my desk, but for all I know he could be out there practicing law somewhere."

经典的高中英语笑话：Interview at the Firm

There was a job opening in the country's most prestigious law firm and it finally comes down to Robert and Paul.

Both graduated magna cum laude from law school. Both come from good families. Both are equally attractive and well spoken. It's up to the senior partner to choose one, so he takes each candidate aside and asks, "Why did you become a lawyer?

Only seconds after talking to them both, he chooses Paul.

Baffled, Robert takes Paul aside after the interview. "I don't understand why I was rejected. When Mr. Armstrong asked me why I became a lawyer, I said that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I'd lay down my life for the Constitution and that all I wanted was to do right by my clients. What in the world did you tell him?"

"I said I became a lawyer because of my hands," Paul replies.

"Your hands? What do you mean?"

"Well, I took a look one day and there wasn't any money in either of them!"

经典的高中英语笑话：The world's smartest dog 世界上最聪明的狗

here once was a dog show to determine the world's smartest dog. Three dogs were in the final. One dog belonged to a doctor. One dog belonged to an engineer. And, one dog belonged to a lawyer.

For the final each dog was given a bag of bones to see what it could make. The doctor said, "Stethoscope, go!" The dog built a human skeleton.

The judges were ready to award the trophy right then. But, they decided to give the other dogs a try.

The engineer said, "Slide-rule, go!" The dog built a suspension bridge.

The judges were beside themselves. Which dog would they pick?

The lawyer said. "Loop-hole, go!" The dog ate the bones, got a percentage of all the tollsfrom the bridge and screwed the other two dogs.

在一场狗秀的活动中，人们要选出一只世界上最聪明的狗。有三只狗进入了决赛，它们的主人分别是：医生，建筑师和律师。

最后的比赛是给每只狗一包骨头，看看它们能用这些骨头做些什么。医生说道：“听诊器，上!”这只狗搭了一个人体骨骼。

裁判们想立即给这只狗颁发奖品，但是他们还是决定给每只狗一次机会。

建筑师说道：“滑尺，上!”他的狗建造了一座悬桥。

裁判们左右为难，到底该选哪一只呢?

律师说道：“钻(法律)空子，上!”这只狗吃掉了骨头，对那座桥征收了百分之百的税，并向其他两只狗进行勒索。

经典的高中英语笑话：Three Government Contractors

Three contractors are bidding to fix a broken fence at the White House in D.C.; one from NewJersey, another from Tennessee and the third, from Florida. They go with a White House official to examine the fence.

The Florida contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil. "Well", he says, "I figure the job will run about $900: $400 for materials, $400 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The Tennessee contractor also does some measuring and figuring, then says, "I can do this job for $700: $300 for materials, $300 for my crew and $100 profit for me."

The New Jersey contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the White House official and whispers, "$2,700."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure like the other guys! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The New Jersey contractor whispers back, "$1000 for me, $1000 for you, and we hire the guy from Tennessee to fix the fence."

"Done!" replies the government official.

And that friends, is how it all works!

经典的高中英语笑话：What is 1+2?

Politician: Well, if you look at the seasonally adjusted figures, you'll find that it's reasonably in line with government predictions.

Physicist: I won't tell you until you tell me what you want to use it for.

Lawyer: It makes one and a half each.