趣味英语小笑话

2016-11-10

趣味英语小笑话：The New Teacher

George comes from school on the first of September.

9月1日，乔治放学回到家里。

George, how did you like your new teacher? asked his mother.

“乔治，你喜欢你们的新老师吗?” 妈妈问

I didn't like her, Mother, because she said that three and three were six and then she said that two and four were six too.....

“妈妈，我不喜欢，因为她说3加3得6, 可后来又说2加4也得6。”

趣味英语小笑话：The Fish Net

Can you tell me what fish net is made, Ann?

“你能告诉我鱼网是什么做的吗，安?” 老师发问道。

A lot of little holes tied together with strings. replied the little girl.

“把许多小孔用绳子栓在一起就成了鱼网了。”小女孩回答道。

趣味英语小笑话：Another 40 Years to live

A middle aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience. Seeing God, she asked if this was it. God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months, and 8 days to live." Upon recovery the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, lip-suction, breast augmentation, tummy tuck, etc. She even had someone come in and change her hair color, figuring since she had so much more time to live, she might as well make the most of it. She got out of the hospital after the last operation and while crossing the street was killed by an ambulance speeding to the hospital. Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 40 Years? "God replied, "I didn't recognize you."

一名中年妇女心脏病突发被送到了医院，在手术台上，濒临死亡之际，她看到了上帝，于是，她问上帝是不是她的日子到头了。上帝回答说，“还没有，你还能活43年，2个月零8天。” 身体快要康复的时候，这名女士想到自己还要活那么多年，得好好对待自己，于是决定先不出院，而是去给自己整整容，吸吸脂，隆隆胸，然后还做了一个腹部拉皮和其它一些美容美体手术。她甚至还请人到医院里面帮她头发给染了。做完最后一个手术，这位女士出院了，但就在过马路的时候，她被一辆风驰电挚赶回医院的救护车给撞死了。再一次，她又站到了上帝的面前，她大惑不解地问上帝，“我记得你说我还能再活40年?” 上帝回答，“那个时候我没认出你来”。

趣味英语小笑话：Snorer 瞌睡者

The preacher was vexed(生气的) because a certain member of his congregation(集会，圣会) always fell asleep during the sermon.

As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven, please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."

Awaking with a start(吓一跳) , the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit(讲道坛) , "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."

牧师非常生气，因为总有一个人在他说教时打瞌睡。

一个星期天，正当坐在前排的那个人又在瞌睡时，牧师决定要好好教育他一下，让他不要再在布道时睡觉。于是他低声对信徒们说：“想去天堂的人，都请站起来吧。”所有的人都站了起来——当然，除了那个打瞌睡的人。在低声说过请坐后，牧师高声喊道：“想去下地狱的人请站起来!”

打瞌睡的人被这突然的喊叫声惊醒了，他站了起来。看到牧师高站在教坛上，正生气的看着他。这个人说道：“噢，先生，我不知道我们在选什么，但看上去只有你和我是候选人。”

趣味英语小笑话：Sharing the Apples 分苹果

Harry was given two apples, a small one and a large one, by his Mum. Share them with your sister, she said.

So Harry gave the small one to his little sister and started touching into the large one.

Cor! said his sister, If Mum had given them to me I'd have given you the large one and had the small one myself.

Well, said Harry, that's what you've got, so what are you worrying about?

妈妈给了哈里两个苹果，一个大一点，另一个小点儿。跟妹妹分着吃。妈妈说。

所以，哈里就把小个的给了妹妹，自己开始啃那个大个的。

哼，妹妹说，如果妈妈给了我，我会把大的给你，把小的留给自己的。

对呀，哈里说，你拿到的不就是小的吗?还着什么急呀?

趣味英语小笑话：我希望您的面包病好了

I was making rolls and, needing a warm place for the dough to rise, put the bowl in a heating pad. Then I left the house on an errand(使命，差事) . When I came back, I found this note from my son: "Dear Mom, I hope your bread gets better."

我在做面包，需要把面团放在一个暖和点的地方使它发起来。我把面盆放在电热褥里，后来就出去干别的活去了。等我回家时，发现儿子留下一张纸条，上面写着：“亲爱的妈妈，我希望您的面包已经病好了。”

趣味英语小笑话：Intelligent son 聪明的儿子

One day, the father lets eight year-old son send a letter, the son took the letter , the father then remembered didn't write the address and addressee's name on the envelope.

After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter in the mail box?"

"Certainly"

"You have not seen on the envelope not to write the address and the addressee name?"

"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."

"Then why you didn't take it back?"

"I also thought that you do not write the address and the addressee, is for does not want to let me know that you do send the letter to who!"

有一天,父亲让八岁的儿子去寄一封信,儿子已经拿着信跑了,父亲才想起信封上没写地址和收信人的名字。

儿子回来后,父亲问他:“你把信丢进邮筒了吗?” “当然”“你没看见信封上没有写地址和收信人名字吗?”

“我当然看见信封上什么也没写”“那你为什么不拿回来呢?”

“我还以为你不写地址和收信人,是为了不想让我知道你把信寄给谁呢!”