英语短篇笑话

2016-12-01

英语短篇笑话篇一：Boss's idea

When my printer's type began to go faint, I called a repair shop where a friendly man told me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.

Because the shop charged 50 pounds for such cleanings, he told me, it would be better for me to read the printer's directions and try the job myself.

Pleasantly surprised by his words, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"

"Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to repair things themselves first."

由于我的打印机不能打印出清晰的字来，我就打电话给维修部。电话是一位非常和蔼的男人接的，他说我的打印机也许只是需要清理一下。

他还说，如果让维修部清理的话要交50英镑的清理费，让我最好看看使用手册自己试着清理。

当时我真的被他的话感动了，就问他：“你们老板知道你这样拒绝生意么?”

“事实上，这就是我们老板的主意，”雇员答道：“因为如果我们让用户先自行修理打印机的话就能挣更多的钱。”

英语短篇笑话篇二：Talking on the Telephone

Each Sunday the minister called the children to the front of the church while he told them a story. Once he brought a telephone to better illustrate the idea of prayer.

"You talk to people on the telephone and don't see them on the other end of the line, right?" he began.

The children nodded yes. "Well, talking to God is like talking on the telephone. He's on the other end, but you can't see him. He is listening though."

Just then a little boy piped up and asked, "What's his number?"

每个星期天牧师都会把孩子们叫到教堂前面，然后给他们讲一个故事。一天，他为了更好地阐述祈祷的含义，带来了一台电话机。

“你们和别人在电话里交谈，并没有看到电话线另一端的人，对吗?”他开始问道。孩子们点头称是。“好的，和上帝交谈就象通过电话交谈一样。他就在另一端，虽然你看不见他，但是他正在聆听你的心声。”

就在这时，一个小男孩尖着嗓子问道：“那他的电话号码是什么?”

英语短篇笑话篇三：The Name of a Poet

Our teacher was telling us about a new system of memory training being used in some schools today. It works like this, she said. Suppose you wanted tore member the name of a poetRobert Burns, for instance. She told us to think of him as Bobby Burns. Now get in your head a picture of a London policeman, a bobby in flames. See? Bobby Burns! I see what you mean, said the class know it all. But how can you tell that it's Not Robert Browning?

我们的老师正在给我们介绍现在某些学校使用的一种新的记忆训练系统。这个系统是这样的，她说，假定你要记住一个诗人的名字，例如，要记住罗伯特·彭斯的名字。她告诉我们把他当作博比·彭斯，让你的脑海里闪现出一个伦敦警察的形象，燃烧着的警察。明白吗?警察燃烧! 我明白你的意思，班上的万事通说，但是你怎么能说那就不是罗伯特·布朗宁呢?

英语短篇笑话篇四：Three Turtles 三只乌龟

Three turtles decided to have a cup of coffee. Just as they got into the cafe, it started to rain.

The biggest turtle said to the smallest one, " Go home and get the umbrella."

The little turtle replied, "I will, if you don't drink my coffee."

"We won't," the other two promised.

Two years later the big turtle said to the middle turtle, "Well, I guess he isn't coming back, so we might as well drink his coffee."

Just then a voice called from outside the door, "If you do, I won't go."

三只乌龟决定去喝咖啡。它们刚到咖啡店的门口，就下起雨来。于是最大的那只乌龟对最小的乌龟说，“回家去取伞吧。”

最小的乌龟说，“如果你们不把我的咖啡喝了，我就去。”

“我们不喝，”另外两只乌龟答应说。

两年后，大乌龟对中乌龟说，“好吧，我猜他肯定不回来了，我们可以把它的咖啡喝掉了。”

正在这时，一个声音从门外传来，“你们要是喝了，我就不去。”

英语短篇笑话篇五：

The librarian went over to a small, noisy boy. "Please be quiet!" she warned. "The people around you can't read!"

图书管理员走到一个喧闹的小男孩身边，警告说：“请安静!你周围的人都不能读书了!”

"They can't?" The boy asked curiously. "Then what are they doing here?"

“不能读书?”小男孩好奇地问道。“那他们在这里干什么?”

英语短篇笑话篇六：

Guest:"Bub, do you go to school?"

客人：“小家伙，你上学了吗?”

boy:"What good shall I go to school? I can't read or write?"

孩子：“我上学有什么好处?我不会读，也不会写。”

英语短篇笑话篇七：

betty:"Black hens are cleverer than white ones, aren't they?"

贝蒂：“黑母鸡比白母鸡聪明，对吗?”

Larry:"How do you know?"

拉里：“你怎么知道?”

Betty:"Well, the black hens can lay white eggs, but the white hens can't lay black ones."

贝蒂：“嗯，因为黑母鸡能下白蛋，可白母鸡不能下黑蛋。”

英语短篇笑话篇八：

Bobby:"Billy broke my new doll!"

博比：“比利弄坏了我的新洋娃娃!”

Mum:"How did he do that?"

妈妈：“他是怎么弄坏的?”

Bobby:"I hit him over the head with it."

博比：“我用洋娃娃打了他的头。”

英语短篇笑话篇九：

"I wish I'd lived in the old times."

“我要是生活在古代就好了。”

"Why?"

“为什么?”

"Because there wouldn't be so much history to learn."

“因为那就不会有这么多历史要学了。”