英国礼仪之“任性”的英伦日常

2016-11-12

1) HOW THE BRITS COMMUNICATE

1) 英伦“任性”日常之“不就是不”

For most Brits, no means no. For the Chinese, you may have to gauge if the no is out of politeness or modesty and whether it is an imploration for further persuasion. As children in China, we were taught to always say no when asked if we wanted something, and only with repeated questioning accompanied with comments such as ‘no need to be so polite’ may you finally give in and accept. For the Brits, they’ll take your answer for what it is and move on, and it might be difficult to grasp that there are such long-winded ways of saying yes.

对大多数英国人来说，不，就是不。但对中国人来说，却得先思忖一番这个“不”是出于礼貌呢还是谦虚呢，或者这是对方在暗示自己再来一发软磨硬泡?在中国，我们从小都会被大人教育，不管别人问我们想不想要什么，我们都得说“不”。除非是在别人不断询问死缠烂打，还嚷嚷着“不用客气，不用客气”的时候，我们才可以妥协。可对英国人来说，你说“不”，那就是“不”，不必犹疑;中国人这种用“不”说“是”的方法可是有些拐弯抹角、难以把握呢。

2) HOW THE BRITS GREET

2) 英伦“任性”日常之搂搂抱抱

Hugging is a societal norm in the UK as a way of greeting people: for family, friends and even acquaintances. It is a common sight to see people of all ages wrapping their arms around each other and ending with an affectionate rub or pat on the back. This is still a line of intimacy that most Chinese aren’t willing to cross, and is an act reserved for special moments for those with a close relationship, although it is becoming more casual in younger generations. A kiss on the cheek would be even more unthought of as a greeting gesture.

在腐国，拥抱早已是人们互相问好的一种习惯性方式：家人、朋友甚至是一般熟人，没有见面不抱一个的。不论老少，人们常常是一见面就互相用手臂缠绕对方一番，之后再送上背部深情抚摸或轻拍。而在天朝，尽管拥抱问好在年轻人中间越来越简单随便，但对大多数中国人来说，这样的亲密接触仍旧是一道跨不过去的心槛，交往甚密的人们之间且在特别场合才会有这样的行为。拥抱尚且如此，颊上一吻以示问候对国人来说更是“闻所未闻”，比任性还要任性了。

3) HOW THE BRITS ADDRESS EACH OTHER

3) 英伦“任性”日常之直呼其名

Brits are much more likely to be on first name basis with each other. People are comfortable and willing for those even much younger than themselves to refer to them by their given name, whereas in China this may be considered impolite. At medical school, I can be on first name basis with my tutors and doctors who I am familiar with despite them being much more senior than me. In China, I wouldn’t think to address anyone in that position, no matter how familiar I am with them, without their title such as teacher, professor, doctor or so forth as is expected. Socially, I am more likely to refer to my parent’s British friends by their first name and their Chinese friends as ‘Aunty’ (ah yi) and ‘Uncle’ (shu shu). Similarly, I’ve known a lot of my British friends to refer to relatives of their parents generations by first names, whereas in Chinese there are specific titles for each of your parents siblings in relation to their age that you need to refer them by.

英国人之间，一般更可能使用名字互相称呼。那些年轻许多的后辈对自己直呼其名，人们也不觉得不适，甚至反而愿意被这样称呼，但这在中国肯定是不礼貌行为。在医学院里，我对相熟的老师教授们都以名称呼，不管他们岁数比我大多少。但在中国，我可不敢这样做，就算我和老师们十分熟悉，我也不会不守规矩，不用头衔如老师、教授、博士等称呼他们。对我父母的英国朋友，我也是直呼其名，但是对他们的中国朋友，我就得叫“阿姨”“叔叔”。和我一样，我认识的许多英国朋友都会直接用名字称呼自己父母一辈的亲戚，但是在汉语里，根据不同辈分等级，每一个自己父母的兄弟姐妹都需要用特殊名衔来称呼。

4) HOW THE BRITS EAT

4) 英伦“任性”日常之吃饭付钱都矜持

British etiquette dictates that eating should be done as quietly as possible, which means with your mouth closed, preventing cutlery from knocking against the plate and refraining from noisy chewing. In China, it is usually acceptable to lift the bowl and use chopsticks to push food into your mouth and make slurping noises – in some cases this can be seen as a sign of good appetite and appreciation of the food. When eating out, for the Chinese it is necessary to argue over the bill and insist on paying whereas in the UK, unless someone has blatantly stated they are paying, it is natural to split the bill. This includes situations where someone is hosting: being host in China (or ‘qing ke’) makes you responsible for the bill, which is not necessarily so in the UK. Furthermore, the Chinese also find it to be a funny phenomenon to see the calculator at the dining table as is often done in the UK. As stated, the Chinese don’t often split the bill and when they do, it would be almost shameful not to process it through mental arithmetics.

在英伦餐桌礼仪中，用餐时一定要安静安静再安静，也就是说，嘴要闭好，餐具不要碰触餐盘并且咀嚼不能出声。在中国，端起碗来、用筷子辅助往嘴里塞食物、边吃边吸溜等等却都是可以接受的，有时候还会被当做是意味着胃口好、享受美食的动作。中国人下馆子的时候，为了照单全付一桌酒席，人们经常互相争执，还吵上一架;但在英国，除非有人铁板钉钉地声明自己请客，大家一般都会自觉AA。这也包括我们中国人说的“请客”：在中国，“请客”就意味着你买单，但是在英国可不一定。除此之外，中国人还对腐国人餐桌上的计算器大感新奇、忍俊不禁。正如上文，中国人一般不会AA;但是他们真正要AA的时候——不能心算账单?那简直是一大耻辱。

5) HOW THE BRITS SPEND

5) 英伦“任性”日常之不讲价与倒贴钱

Whereas the ability to haggle is practically a life-skill necessity in China, the concept of bargaining is virtually non-existent in the UK. The closest you’ll get, save for a few niche markets, is probably bidding on eBay (the English equivalent of Taobao). Furthermore, paying an additional service charge or ‘tipping’ is common practice in the UK – for restaurants, hairdressers, hotels and so forth. In contrast, if you tip in China, you’ve basically confirmed your status as a tourist. This is likely to stem from the fact that in the UK service is one of the most expensive commodities, whereas in the China, it is still one of the cheapest.

在中国，会讲价已经差不多是一门必须的生存技能，但在英国，连“讲价”这个概念都还几乎了无踪迹。除了少数的市场，最多也就是在eBay(英国版的淘宝)上小试牛刀讲讲价。英国人不光不会省钱，还习惯多付服务费或者是“付小费”——在餐馆、理发店、酒店等场所，基本都是如此。相比之下，如果你在中国付小费，后果只有一个：你的旅游观光身份基本曝光。这其实也与在英国服务是最为昂贵的商品之一的情况有关，而在中国却相反。