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有关英语故事短文：The Hospital Orderly

Jake was tired of his job. He’d been doing it for 10 years, and it wasn’t getting any easier. He was a hospital orderly. That’s a vague title that covers many specific duties—some of which are quite unpleasant. Whenever a patient threw up, for example, it was Jake's responsibility to clean the patient’s body and face, remove all the soiled clothing and bed linens, put fresh bed linens on the bed, and put clean hospital clothing on the patient. After hundreds of such incidents, Jake still had not gotten used to the odor and sight of fresh vomit. It was disgusting. Every time he cleaned up vomit, he thought to himself that he wasn’t getting paid nearly enough.

Jake was also responsible for checking a patient’s blood pressure, taking his pulse and temperature (usually orally, but sometimes rectally), and doing electrocardiograms to monitor his heart condition. These chores used to be done by nurses or technicians. Now they were done by Jake. He fed patients who couldn’t feed themselves. He helped move patients from their beds to gurneys, or from their beds to wheelchairs, and vice versa. Whenever a patient died in his hospital bed, it was Jake’s job to zip the body into a plastic bag, put the bag on a gurney, and roll the gurney into the elevator and downstairs into the basement morgue. Sometimes he stayed in the morgue, just thinking.

有关英语故事短文：Man Flies 200 Miles

Bo Jackson was sitting in his favorite chair, drinking a beer, and watching a football game. At halftime, a car commercial featured a few hundred helium balloons floating skyward. I could do that, Bo thought. I could strap a bunch of balloons to my lawn chair and float up into the sky.

He told his wife. She asked him how many beers he’d had. He told her that he wasn’t joking. What was the problem, he asked. Blow up a bunch of balloons, tie them to his chair, and away he goes. How was he going to steer, she asked. The wind would steer him, he said. How would he know where he was going to land? When he saw a nice landing spot, he’d just shoot holes in the balloons with his BB pistol, he said. He told her not to be so negative.

He went online and found out what wind patterns were in Oregon that time of the year. He called up his friend Duke, who was a pilot. In a few days, Bo had it all figured out. He called up a balloon store and ordered 50 balloons and a few helium tanks to fill up the balloons. His 6-year-old son asked if he could go with him. His wife promised to divorce him if he actually went through with this.

有关英语故事短文：The Wedding

The next day, Harlan called Nevin to thank him for coming to the wedding. “By the way, how was your steak?” he asked. “Ernie told me his steak was tough, and so did several others.”

“Mine was tough,” Nevin said. “It looked and smelled good, but it was tough. I needed a steak knife, because my butter knife wasn’t working out. But they didn’t have any steak knives on the table. I guess that’s part of our war against terrorists. So, I ate about a fourth of it, and left the rest on the plate. Janelle's was a little tough, too. She switched it for salmon.”

Nevin went on. “Also, as you probably know, the only urinal was busted. It had an out of order sign on it. One of the two soap dispensers in the men’s room was completely empty of soap. On the plus side, the wait staff served the food without coughing on it or getting their fingers all over the plates or glasses. And they always said sir, ma’am, please, thank you, and you’re welcome. And, perhaps most important to me, I never had to ask to have my coffee cup refilled.”

Harlan asked Nevin to write a letter to the Cowfish about how tough his steak was, and about the other negatives he had just mentioned. Nevin asked how much Harlan was hoping to get refunded. “Well, I think they’re going to get four or five complaint letters. If they don’t refund me at least $2,000, I'll tell them that I’m going to hire a lawyer.”

“Well, I hope the rest of the evening went better than the dinner,” Nevin said.

“Oh, yes,” said Harlan. “I was online all last night and found a great deal on a cruise to Panama. We’ll save 50 percent if we go during the rainy season and if we take the cabin nearest to the engine room, so I signed us up.”