小学简单英语笑话欣赏

近些年,冷笑话作为一种特殊的幽默方式在互联网、电视节目、书籍杂志上广泛流传。本文是小学简单英语笑话，希望对大家有帮助!

小学简单英语笑话：Mirror On The Wall

Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in the Ladies Room, there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie, *POOF* you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again.

A redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies Room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world." *POOF* The mirror swallows her.

Next, a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think I think I'm the sexiest woman alive! *POOF* The mirror swallows her.

Then an absolutely gorgeous blond comes in and stands before the mirror and says, "I think..." *POOF*

小学简单英语笑话：The Camel

Retiring from a big corporate job in LA, Marvin moves to Tel Aviv. (So nu, you were thinking maybe he'd move to a kibbutz?)

Wanting to contribute to nation-building somehow he focuses on stock-trading, the onlyvocation he knows. But, to commute to his new humble penthouse office, he refuses to drive a Mercedes like everyone else so he buys himself ... a camel.

Every night Marvin parks his camel in the garage under his Tel Aviv Condo and the next morning he mounts the camel for the commute to his new office in Ramat Gan.

One day Marvin comes down to the parking garage and the camel is gone ... stolen!

He calls the police who arrive within minutes. The first question is "What color was your camel?"

Marvin replies he doesn't remember, "Probably camel colored I guess ... sort of brownish-greyish."

"And how many humps on your camel?' asks the policeman.

"Who counts humps ... one, maybe two, I don't know for sure."

"And the height of the camel, sir?"

"What's with these dumb questions?" Marvin asks. "The camel was about three feet taller than I am. So maybe 9 feet, 10 feet. I can't be certain."

"Just one last question to complete my report, sir. Was the camel male or female?"

"Ah, that I know for sure he was a male."

"How can you be so certain of his sex when you don't remember anything else about your camel" asks the policeman.

"Well," says Marvin, "everyone knows he's a male. Every day I'd ride the camel to work through the streets of Tel Aviv and people would stop and say to each other ... 'Look at the schmuck on that camel!' "

小学简单英语笑话：Identify The Problem

A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but was not getting many.

Then, he discovered the problem; a 10 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read, "SPEED TRAP AHEAD".

The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign painted "TIPS" and a bucket of change.

小学简单英语笑话：Free Monday

Little Johnny is in a class where every Friday the teacher asks a question and if you get it right you don't have to go to school on Monday.

The first Friday the question was, "How many gallons of water is there in the whole world."

No one knew so they all had to go to school on Monday.

Next Friday, the question was, "How many grains of sand is there in the whole world."

No one knew so they had to go to school on Monday.

By this time Little Johnny is getting mad because he doesn't want to go to school on Monday.

So he paints two ping-pong balls black and the next Friday right before the teacher asked the question he rolled the two blach ping-pong balls up to her.

She said, "Who is the comedian with two black balls?"

Little Johnny said, "Bill Cosby, see you on Tuesday."

小学简单英语笑话：The Benefits Of Dating Older Women

An older woman can wear bright red lipstick during the day without looking like she just had an adventure inside a jam jar. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.

An older woman is into free sex. An older woman is almost always already attached to someone, so there's no need to develop a phobia about committing to her. The last thing she needs in her life is another clingy, whiny, dependent man.

Older women are more honest. An older woman will tell you that you are an jerk if you'reacting like one. A young woman will say nothing, just in case it means you might break up with her.

Older women take charge of the situation. An older woman will call you up and ask you for a date. A younger woman will wait forever, by the phone, for you to call.

An older woman will introduce you to all of her girlfriends (and they'll all want to sleep with you!). A younger woman will avoid her girlfriends when she's with you, in case you get any ideas.

Older women know how to cook. Young women know how to dial for Pizza Hut take-out.