英语幽默笑话集锦及翻译

2017-03-02

英语幽默笑话集锦及翻译精选

婚姻就是这么一回事

This is marriage all about

My wife-to-be and I were at the county clerk's office for our marriage license. After recording the vital information — names, dates of birth, etc. — the clerk handed me our license and deadpanned, "No refunds, no exchanges, no warranties."

婚姻就是这么一回事

我和未婚妻在县办公室领结婚证。在记录完重要信息——名字，出生日期，等后——办事员递给我结婚证，脸无表情地说，“不退钱，不包换，不保修。”

英语幽默笑话集锦及翻译阅读

承诺的结果 The consequences

Father: I promised to buy you a car if you passed your examination, and you have failed. Whatwere you doing last term?

父亲：我曾向你许诺，如果你考试及格就给你买俩小汽车，可你却未能做到。你上学期一直在干什么呀?

Son: I was learning to drive a car.

儿子：我在学开汽车。

英语幽默笑话集锦及翻译学习

什么都有,你要买什么?

A store manager heard a clerk tell a customer. No, ma'am, we haven't had any for a while, and itdoesn't look as if we'll be getting soon.

一个商店经理听见一个店员对顾客说：不，夫人，这会儿没有，一时半会儿看来也不会有。

Horrified, the manager came runningover to the customer and said, Of course, we'll havesomesoon, we placed an order last week.

经理惊恐万分地跑到顾客跟前说：当然，马上就会有的。我们上周订了货。

Then the manager drew the clerk aside: Never, never, never say we are out of anything saywe've got it on order and it's coming.Now what was it she wanted?

然后经理把店员拉到一边：千万，千万，千万不要说我们没有什么，说我们已经订了货，货马上就到。现在你说她要买什么?

Rain, said the clerk.

雨，店员说。

英语幽默笑话集锦及翻译欣赏

错献殷勤 Not Funny

At a dinner party a shy young man had been trying to think of something nice to say to hishostess.

在一次晚餐聚会上，一位腼腆的年轻人一直在冥思苦想对女主人说一些好听的话。

At last he saw his chance when she turned to him and remarked, "What a small appetite youhave tonight, Mr. Jones."

机会终于来了，女主人转向他说：“琼斯先生，您今晚的饭量太小了。”

"To sit next to you," he replied gallantly, "would cause any man to lose his appetite."

“坐在您身边，”他殷勤的说道，“任何男人都会失去胃口的。”

英语幽默笑话集锦及翻译品味

言出必行 A Man of Actions

A crowd of student was gathered on the campus of Oxford University.“You can have nodoubt,”shouted a young man excitedly,“that if the Dean does not take back what he said to methis morning, I'll leave Oxford this very evening!”

一群学生聚在牛津的校园里，一个年轻人情绪激动地叫道：“毋庸置疑，如果系主任不收回他今早对我说的话，我今晚就离开牛津。”

A buzzing noise followed.“What a man of actions!”one said in admiration.“How should wesupport him and learn from him!”said another.

下面一片喧哗。“真是个言出必行的人。”一个人艳羡地说。另一个说：“我们要支持他、学习他。”

Suddenly, a girl asked,“What did the Dean say to you, Hob?”

突然，一个女孩问道：“系主任对你说什么了，霍波?”

He bent and whispered to her,“Well,er...er...Miss Rose, er...he told me to get clean away fromOxford this very evening!”

他弯下腰小声说：“哦，呃…呃…，罗斯小姐，呃…他说要我今晚从牛津滚出去。”

英语幽默笑话集锦及翻译摘抄

The Doctor Knows Better

医生懂得多

A man was hit by a cab in the street. He was brought to the hospital. His wife who was standingup by his bed, said to the doctor: "I think that he is very ill."

一个男人在街上被出租车撞倒送进了医院。他的妻子站在他的床前对医生说：“我想他伤得很厉害。”

"I am afraid that he is dead." said the doctor.

医生说：“恐怕他已经死了。”

Hearing this, the man moved his head and said: "I'm not dead. I'm still alive."

听到医生的话，这个男人转动着头说：“我没死，我还活着。”

"Be quiet, " said the wife. "the doctor knows better than you!"

妻子说：“安静，医生比你懂得多。”

英语幽默笑话集锦及翻译赏析

Reached Shore Fast

快速靠岸

A guy I know was towing his boat home from a fishing trip to Lake Huron when his car broke down. He didn't have his cell phone with him, but he thought maybe he might be able to raise someone on his marine radio to call for roadside assistance. He climbed into his boat, clicked on the radio and said, "Mayday, mayday." A Coast Guard officer came on and said, "State your location." "I-75, two miles south of Standish." After a very long pause, the officer asked, "How fast were you going when you reached shore?"

在休伦湖钓完鱼后，我的一个朋友开车拖着他的船回家。路上车坏了。他没带手机，不过，他想，也许他可以通过海事无线广播来请求公路援助。于是，他爬到他的船里面，启动了无线装置，喊道，“求救，求救”。一名海岸护卫队警官作出了回应，“报告你的位置”。“I-75号公路，Standish的南面两英里”。沉默了好一会之后，警官问我的朋友，“你的船靠岸时开得有多快?”