女性英语笑话（双语）
An imaginative wife 想象能力丰富的妻子
A woman had a desire to have her portrait painted, and her husband engaged the best artist he could find. During one of the sittings , the wife made a rather unusual request. She asked the artist to paint in diamond necklace, ear-rings and tiara, even though she wore no jewelry. The artist did as she told him but was puzzled. "Why did we add the gems?" he asked, as they looked at the finished product.
The wife said, "It is in case should die before my husband, I just know he'd remarry right away. Let his new wife look for the jewels."
一个妇女想让人把自己的肖像画出来，她丈夫就约请了最好的画家。在画坐姿画像时，妻子提出了一个非比寻常的要求，她要求画家画上砖石项链、耳环和冠状头饰，即使她没有戴。画家照她说的做了，可是有点迷惑不解。当他们观看这幅完成的作品时，他问：“为什么我们要画上宝石呢?”
妻子说：“万一我比我丈夫早死，我知道他马上就会再婚。让他那新婚妻子去找珠宝吧!”
Hurt all over 浑身都疼
A young woman went to her doctor complaining of pain.
"Where are you hurting?" asked the doctor.
"You have to help me, I hurt all over", said the woman.
"What do you mean, all over?" asked the doctor, "be a little more specific."
The woman touched her right knee with her index finger and yelled, "Own, that hurts." Then she touched her left cheek and again yelled, "Ouch! That hurts, too." Then she touched her right earlobe, "Own, even THAT hurts", she cried.
The doctor checked her thoughtfully for a moment and told her his diagnosis, "You have a broken finger."
一名女士到医生那里抱怨自己浑身疼痛。
“你哪里疼啊?”医生问道。
“你要帮帮我，我浑身都疼。” 女士说。
“浑身都疼，是什么意思?你能不能具体一点?”医生问道。
女士用她的食指摸了摸右膝盖，喊道：“噢，这里疼。”然后她又摸了摸自己的左脸颊，喊道：“噢，这里也疼。”然后她又摸了摸自己的右耳垂，喊道：“就连这里都是疼的。”
医生为女士做了详细的检查，然后告诉了该女士结果：“你的手指头破了。”
A tasty meal 一顿美餐
A tourist in Africa sent his mother an exotic bird for her birthday. When he got back to the States, he called her. "Hi, Mom," he said. "How'd you like the bird I gave you?"
"It was delicious."
"You ate the bird!" the guy shrieked. "He was very expensive. He could talk!"
"Well, if he was so smart," replied the mother, "Why didn't he say something?"
一位在非洲旅行的旅客送给了他母亲一只奇特动人的鸟作为生日礼物。他回到美国后，打电话问道：“妈，你好。你喜欢我送您的那只鸟吗?”
“太好吃了!”
“您把它吃了?”小伙子惊叫了起来。“那只鸟可贵了，它还会说话呢?”
“噢，如果它照你说的那么聪明的话，他为什么没告诉我呀?”母亲回答说。