关于儿童英语笑话大全

笑话是幽默的一种表现形式,通过阐述语用因素对英语笑话言语的作用机制,可以探索英语幽默话语的语用特征和动态运行模式,帮助人们从认知角度和心理推理机制上更好地了解笑话幽默的产生方式。小编精心收集了关于儿童英语笑话，供大家欣赏学习!

关于儿童英语笑话：Running Shoes

Two guys in a jungle come around a corner and meet a lion head-on pawing the ground.

One guy ever so carefully reaches into his knapsack and slowly takes out a set of Nike running shoes, never once breaking eye contact with the lion.

The second guy hisses: "What are you doing, you can't outrun the lion" And the first guy says: "No, but all I have to do is outrun you"!

关于儿童英语笑话：Pet Parrot

Harry says to his pet parrot Smitty, "What do you want for your birthday?" Smitty says, "I want to get laid."

So Harry takes Smitty to a parrot whore house, gives him a hundred bucks, and Smitty goes upstairs with a hot-looking parrot whore.

After a few minutes, Harry hears really loud screeching and squawking, so he runs upstairs and into the room.

There's Smitty, holding down the whore parrot and yanking out her colorful feathers.

"Harry, says Smitty, what the hell are you doing?"

Smitty says, "For a hundred bucks I want her nude!"

关于儿童英语笑话：The Frog and the Psychic Hotline

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you."

The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?"

"No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."

关于儿童英语笑话：Is the Cat There?

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park.

As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home.

Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!

He kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right

again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.

Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"

"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?"

Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that son of a bitch on the phone, I'm lost and need directions!"

关于儿童英语笑话：Shoulda Said

This guy walks into a bar with his golden retriever. "Hey, can I get a drink on the house if my dog talks for you?"

"Dogs can't talk, pal. But if you can prove to me yours does, I'll give you a drink. If not, I get to kick your ass."

"Okay," says the guy. He turns to his dog. "Okay fella. Tell me -- what is on top of your doghouse?"

"Roof!" The man turns and smiles at the bartender.

"THAT ain't talking! Any dog can bark!"

"Okay boy. Tell me -- how does sandpaper feel?"

"Ruff!"

"What the hell are you tryin' to pull, mister?"

"Okay, okay," says the man. "One more question please. Okay buddy, tell me -- who is the greatest ball player who ever lived?"

"Ruth."

The bartender beats the hell out of the guy and throws onto the sidewalk outside of the bar, then throws the dog out next to him. The dog stands up and looks at the guy.

"Geez. D'ya think I shoulda said DiMaggio?"