英语暴笑笑话
英语笑话是指以一句英文短语或一个英文故事让说话者和听者之间觉得好笑,或是产生幽默感,笑话是一种经过艺术加工的语言形式,是艺术化的语言。下面是小编整理的暴笑英语笑话，欢迎大家阅读!
暴笑英语笑话一：
The Cemetery Shortcut
为抄近路走墓地
Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs.
万圣节派对过后，两男人图个乐呵，打算抄近路穿过墓地回家。
Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows.
走到墓地中央时，他们被从迷雾中传来的“答、答、答”声惊吓到了。
Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones.
正当两人害怕得浑身颤抖时，他们看到是个老头拿着铁锤和凿子，在一块墓石上凿着什么。
"Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?"
“哇塞，先生，”其中一人喘了口气说，“你把我们吓得半死啊，我们还以为遇上鬼了呢!那么晚了你在这里做什么?”
"Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!"
“那帮白痴!”老头抱怨道，“他们把我名字拼错啦!”
【注释】
1. Just for laughs 这个俗语在不同情况下，它的意思略有不同。
其一，它可以解释为：做某件事纯属为了高兴，例如：
Come on and get your jacket -- let's go out and have a couple of beers just for laughs.
来吧，穿上你的外套，我们到外面去喝两杯啤酒高兴高兴。
另外，just for laughs 有时也可以指做愚蠢的事或有害的事，例如：
Just for laughs they tossed Mary in the swimming pool with all her clothes on. Then they found out she didn't know how to swim.
就是为了开玩笑，他们把玛丽连衣服带鞋的整个扔进了游泳池，结果他们发现，玛丽根本不会游泳。
2. 笑话中出现了一个"Holy cow"，它是什么意思呢?来看维基上的解释："Holy cow!" is an exclamation of surprise used mostly in American and Canadian English. 原来它是一个表达惊讶的感叹词，多用于美国和加拿大。
暴笑英语笑话二：
a man of actions
a crowd of student was gathered on the campus of oxford university. “you can have no doubt,” shouted a young man excitedly, “that if the dean does not take back what he said to me this morning, i’ll leave oxford this very evening!”
a buzzing noise followed. “what a man of actions!” one said in admiration. “how should we support him and learn from him!” said another.
suddenly, a girl asked, “what did the dean say to you, hob?”
he bent and whispered to her, “well,er???er???miss rose, er???he told me to get clean away from oxford this very evening!”
暴笑英语笑话三：
一个言出必行的人
一群学生聚在牛津的校园里，一个年轻人情绪激动地叫道：“毋庸置疑，如果那个家伙不收回他今早对我说的话，我今晚就离开牛津。”
下面一片喧哗。“真是个言出必行的人。”一个人艳羡地说。另一个说：“我们要支持他、学习他。”
突然，一个女孩问道：“那家伙对你说什么了，霍波?”
他弯下腰小声说：“哦，呃…呃…，罗斯小姐，呃…他说要我今晚从牛津滚出去。”
(1)a crowd of:一群
(2)on the campus:在校园里
(3)have no doubt:没有疑问、毫无疑问
(4)take back what he said：收回他说的话。也可以说take back his words
(5)very：(a.)就是那个、正是那个
(6)in admiration：羡慕地
(7)whispered：whisper的过去式，意为“悄声说”
暴笑英语笑话四：
if i am a manager
one day in class, the teacher assigned his students to write a composition – if i am a manager.
all the students began to write except a boy. the teacher went to him and asked the reason.
“i am waiting for my secretary,” was the boy’s answer.
如果我是一个经理
一天课上，老师要同学们以“如果我是一个经理”为题写一篇作文。
所有的学生都在动笔写了，只有一个男生例外。老师走过去问他为什么不写。
“我在等我的秘书”。那孩子答道。
note
assign vt.分配, 指派 (与to连用)分配
the monitor was assigned to take notes for the meeting.
班长被分派作会议记录。
暴笑英语笑话五：
Two Birds 两只鸟
Teacher: Here are two birds, one is a swallow, the other is sparrow. Now who can tell us which is which?
老师： 这儿有两只鸟，一只是麻雀。谁能指出哪只是燕子，哪只是麻雀吗?
Student: I cannot point out but I know the answer.
学生：我指不出，但我知道答案。
Teacher: Please tell us.
老师：请说说看。
Student: The swallow is beside the sparrow and the sparrow is beside the swallow.
学生：燕子旁边的就是麻雀，麻雀旁边的就是燕子。
暴笑英语笑话六：
who was the first man？ 谁是世界上第一个男人
a teacher said to her class:”who was the first man?”
一个老师问她的学生：“谁是世界上第一个男人”
“george washington,” a little boy shouted promptly.
一个小男孩立刻大声说：“乔治.华盛顿。”
“how do you make out that george washington was the first man?”asked the teacher，smiling indulgently.
老师带着宠溺的笑容问这个男生：“你如何证明乔治华盛顿是世界上第一个男人呢。”
“because,” said the little boy, “he was first in war, first in peace, and first in the hearts of his countrymen.”
这个男孩子说：“因为，他是第一个挑起战争，第一个主张和平，并且是第一个深得民心的人。”
but at this point a larger boy held up his hand. “well,” said the teacher to him, “who do you think was the first man?”
这时，有一个年龄稍大的男孩子举起手来，老师问他，“你认为谁是世界第一个男人?”
“i don’t know what his name was, ” said the larger boy, “but i know it wasn’t george washington, ma’am, because the history book says george washington married a widow, so, of course, there must have been a man ahead of him.”
男孩回答说：“我不知道他的名字，但是我肯定他不是乔治华盛顿，因为历史书上说，乔治华盛顿和一个寡妇结婚了，所以在他之前，当然还有一个男的啦。”
英语故事:
promptly 立刻地
indulgently 宠溺地，放任地
widow 寡妇