10个英语笑话
下面是小编整理的10个英语笑话，希望大家喜欢!
英语笑话1：
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled(被宠坏的) . His father knew it, but his grandma doted on him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(乱发脾气) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.
When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door.
Was school all right? she asked, Did you get along all right? did you cry?
Cry? John asked. No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!
六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。
约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：学校怎么样?你过的好吗?哭了没有?
哭?约翰问，不，我没哭，可老师哭了。
英语笑话2：
A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"
Little Johnny then stood up.
The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"
"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"
一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来?”她一开始就说。
小约翰尼站了起来。
“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼?”老师问。
“不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”
英语笑话3：Stupid Question
Dan was the doorman of a club in a big city. Everyday, thousands of people passed his door, and a lot of them stopped and asked him, "What's the time, please?"
After a few months, Dan said to himself, "I'm not going to answer all those stupid people any more. I'm going to buy a big clock and put it upon the wall here." Then he did so.
“Now people aren't going to stop and ask me the time," he thought happily.
But after that, a lot of people stopped, looked at the clock and then asked Dan, "Is that clock right?”
愚蠢的问题
丹在一个大城市的某个俱乐部当守门人。每天都有数千人经过他的门口，而且许多人都会停下来问他:“请问现在几点?”
几个月后，丹想:“我不想再回答这些蠢人提出的问题了，我要去买一只大钟，把它挂在这儿的墙上。”于是他买了一只钟，把它挂在了墙上。
“现在人们总不会再停下来问我时间了。”他高兴地想。
可是打那以后，每天仍有许多人停下来，看看钟，然后问丹:“这钟准吗?”
英语笑话4：Things Have Been Okay
A young couple were becoming anxious about their four-year-old son, who had not yet talked. They took him to specialists, but the doctors found nothing wrong with him. Then one morning at breakfast the boy suddenly blurted, Mom, the toast is burned.
You talked! You talked! Shouted his mother. I'm so happy! But why has it taked this long?
Well, up till now, Said the boy, things have been okay.
一切都正常
一对年轻夫妇有个儿子，已经四岁了，还没有开口说话，他们对此深感焦虑。他们带他去找专家诊治，但医生们总觉得他没有毛病。后来有一天早上吃早餐时，那孩子突然开口了：妈妈，面包烤焦了。
你说话了!你说话了!他母亲叫了起来。我太高兴了!但为什么花了这么长的时间呢?
哦，在这之前，那男孩说，一切都很正常。
英语笑话5：What Color
An impoverished graduate student at Clemson University in South Carolina, I was excited when my father informed me that he had bought me a car. Hardly able to contain my enthusiasm, I asked Dad the typical questions: "What kind is it? Does it have a stick shift? Does it have a tape deck?"
"It's a 1982 Toyota," he replied. "It's a four speed, and, yes, it has a tape deck . " Pleased, I asked what color it was.
"Well, " he said uncomfortably, " which part?"
作为南卡罗莱那州克莱姆森大学的一个本科生，我囊中羞涩，当我父亲告诉我他为我买了辆车时，我甚是激动。我几乎控制不住我的热情，问了爸爸几个关键问题：“什么车?有没有手排挡?有没有磁带舱?”
“是1982年产丰田车，”他回答说，“四速，还有，是的，有磁带舱。”我甚是高兴，又问是什么颜色的。
“哦，”他很不舒服地说，“你指哪一部分?”
英语笑话6：
The Name of a PoetOur teacher was telling us about a new system of memory training being used in some schools today. “It works like this，” she said.“Suppose you wanted tore member the name of a poet—Robert Burns，for instance.”She told us to think of him as Bobby Burns.“Now get in your head a picture of a London policeman，a bobby in flames.See?Bobby Burns!” “I see what you mean，” said the class know it all.“But how can you tell that it's Not Robert Browning?”
我们的老师正在给我们介绍现在某些学校使用的一种新的记忆训练系统。“这个系统是这样的，”她说。“假定你要记住一个诗人的名字——例如，要记住罗伯特·彭斯的名字。”她告诉我们把他当作博比·彭斯。“让你的脑海里闪现出一个伦敦警察的形象，燃烧着的警察。明白吗?警察燃烧!” “我明白你的意思，”班上的万事通说。“但是你怎么能说那就不是罗伯特·布朗宁呢?”
英语笑话7：
No matter which girl he brought home， the young man found disapproval from his mother. A friend gave him advice. “Find a girl just like your mother—then she's bound to like her. So the young man searched and searched， and finally found the girl.He told his friendly adviser： “Just like you said， I found a girl who looked，talked，dressed， and even cooked like mother.And just as you said，mother liked her” “So，”asked the friend，“what happened?” “Nothing，”said the young man.“My father hates her!”
无论带哪一个女孩回家，这位青年人总会遭到母亲的反对。一位朋友劝他说： “找一个和你母亲一样的女孩——那她一定会喜欢她。” 于是这位青年人不停地找啊找，终于找到了这么个女孩。 正像你说的那样，我找到一个长相、谈吐、穿着打扮，甚至连烹饪都和我母亲一样的女孩。也正像你说的那样，我母亲喜欢她。” “那后来呢?”朋友问。 “没什么，”青年人说。“我父亲讨厌她!”
英语笑话8：
Our physics professor was struggling to draw the class into discussion of Archimede's principle of water displacement. He told us that Archimede noticed that when he got into a pool at the public bathhouse, the water rose spilling over the edge. Excited at his discovery, he ran down the street yelling, "Eureka, eureka!" The instructor asked if anyone knew what that meant.
One student stood up and answered, "I'm naked ! I'm naked!"
我们的物理教授千方百计引导我们讨论阿基米德的排水原理。他告诉我们阿基米德去公共浴池洗澡，他进入池子，发现水涨高了，溢出池沿。他对这一发现十分激动，跑到街上高叫：“Eureka，Eureka!”教授问我们谁知道他喊的是什么意思。
一个学生站起来答道：“我光屁股啦，我光屁股啦!”
英语笑话9：
A man who had been married for ten years was consulting a marriage counselor. “When I was first married，I was very happy. I'd come home from a hard day down at the shop，and my little dog would race around barking，and my wife would bring me my slippers.Now everything's changed.When I come home，my dog brings me my slippers，and my wife barks at me.” “I don't know what you're complaining about，”said the counselor.“You're still getting the same service.”
一个结婚十年的男人正在请教一位婚姻顾问。“刚结婚那会儿，我非常幸福。我在店里劳累一天回到家，我的小狗会绕着我跑，汪汪叫，而我的妻子给我拿来拖鞋。现在一切都变了。我回到家里，我的狗给我拿来拖鞋，我的妻子对着我汪汪叫。” “我不知道你在抱怨什么，”婚姻顾问说。“你得到的服务还是一样的呀。”
英语笑话10：
A highway patrol officer stopped a speeding motorist. "Don't you know what the blinking lights and siren mean?" he demanded.
"Yes, sir," replied the driver.
"Then why didn't you pull over immediately?"
"I would have, officer, " the man said. "But last month my wife ran off with a policeman, and I was afraid you were bringing her back.
一位公路巡警截住了一个超速司机。“难道你不知道闪烁灯和警笛的意思吗?”他责问道。
“知道，长官，”司机回答说。
“那你为什么不立即靠边停车?”
“我本来想这样做的，长官。”那男子回答说，“但上个月我妻子和一位警察私奔了，我是害怕你把她带回来。”