幽默英语冷笑话12篇
下面是小编整理的幽默英语冷笑话，希望大家会喜欢!
幽默英语冷笑话：The teacher cried 老师哭了
The six-year-old John was terribly spoiled. His father knew it, but his grandma doted on(溺爱，宠爱) him. He hardly left her side. And when he wanted anything, he either cried or threw a temper tantrum(乱发脾气) . Then came his first day of school, his first day away from his grandmother's loving arms.
When he came home from school his grandma met him at the door. "Was school all right?" she asked, "Did you get along all right? Did you cry?"
"Cry?" John asked. "No, I didn't cry, but the teacher did!"
六岁的约翰娇生惯养。他的父亲知道这一点，可他的祖父母仍然宠着他。这孩子几乎寸步不离他的祖母。他想要什么不是哭，就是闹。
他第一天上学才离开祖母的怀抱。约翰放学了，他奶奶在门口接他并问道：“学校怎么样?你过的好吗?哭了没有?”
“哭?”约翰问，“不，我没哭，可老师哭了。”
幽默英语冷笑话：Which Month Did He Go Away
When Jack bowed to someone, he always did it at lightening speed. You shouldn't wait any longer after he has had his head nod. So he was blamed for no manners. Then some warmhearted men taught him, When you bow to somebody next time, you can count 'January, February, March. until December. Then you can lift your body up. Thus, the ceremony will be perfect.
The next day, he met his uncle, he did as the men told him. The bow was so long that it made his uncle feel surprised and escaped away soon . When Jack looked up, he found his uncle gone . So he asked the passer, Which month did he go away?
杰克给人鞠躬，飞快地一点头，就算完了。大家都怪他不懂礼貌。于是便有好心的人教他说，下次鞠躬的时候，你就在心里数：一月、二月、……一直数到十二月为止，然后再直起身来。这样，礼节就周全了。
第二天，杰克见到他的叔叔，他便如法炮制。这躬鞠得太久，叔叔吃了一惊，赶紧逃开了。杰克抬头一看，其叔早已不知去向，他便问过路人：我叔叔几月走的?
幽默英语冷笑话：Big hands 大手
Teacher: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
Student: Big hands.
老师：如果我左手上有7个桔子，右手上有8个桔子。那么我有什么?
学生：大手。
幽默英语冷笑话：I want a nightmare 想做坏梦
Before the final examination, Tom told his mother, "Mom, I had a dream last night that I'd passed today's exam."
"Don't trust dreams, dear. It is said what you experience in dreams usually turns out to be the opposite." Mother replied.
"Then I do hope I'll fail the other subjects in my dream tonight," Tom said.
在期末考试之前，汤姆告诉他的母亲：“妈妈，我昨天晚上做了一个梦，梦见我通过了今天的考试。”
“不要相信梦，亲爱的。据说梦中的经历通常与现实相反。”妈妈答道。
“那么，我真希望在今晚的梦中，我的其他功课都不及格。”汤姆说。
幽默英语冷笑话：Its part of the game 我在扮演妈妈
Mother: Mary, why do you yell and scream so much? Play quietly like Eddie. See, he doesn't make a sound.
Mary: Of course he doesn't. Mom, it's part of the game we are playing. He is Daddy coming home late, and I'm you.
妈妈：玛丽，你为什么这样大喊大叫的? 为什么不能像艾迪那样安安静静的玩儿呢?你看艾迪一声儿都不出。
玛丽：妈妈，艾迪当然不会出声了，因为我们俩正在玩爸爸回家迟到的游戏呢，他扮演爸爸，我扮演你。
幽默英语冷笑话：I Taught the Teacher 我教老师
Mother asked her little boy, Darling, what did the teacher teach you today?
Nothing, Mum, answered the son proundly, instead, she asked me how much one plus two was, and I told her three.
母亲问她年幼的儿子：宝贝，今天老师教了你些什么?
儿子骄傲地说：什么都没教，妈妈。她反倒问我一加二等于几，我告诉她等于三。
狗也知道这个谚语吗?
幽默英语冷笑话：The little boy did not like the look of the barking dog.
"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"
"Ah, yes," answered the little boy. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"
一个小男孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。
“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”
“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗?”
幽默英语冷笑话：Where's the father? 父亲在哪?
Two brothers were looking at some beautiful paintings.
"Look," said the elder brother. "How nice these paintings are!"
"Yes," said the younger, "but in all these paintings there is only the mother and the children. Where is the father?"
The elder brother thought for a moment and then explained, "Obviously he was painting the pictures."
兄弟俩在看一些漂亮的油画。
“看，”哥哥说，“这些画多漂亮呀!”
“是啊，”弟弟说道，“可是在所有这些画中，只有妈妈和孩子。那爸爸去哪儿了呢?”
哥哥想了一会儿，然后解释道：“很明显，他当时正在画这些画呗。”
幽默英语冷笑话：Two Pieces of Cake 两块蛋糕
Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please?
Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!
汤姆：妈妈，我可以吃两块蛋糕吗?
妈妈：当然可以----拿这块蛋糕把它切成两块吧!
幽默英语冷笑话：what do I get 我能得到什么
Teacher: If I cut a beefsteak in half and then cut the half in half, what do I get?Tommy: Quarters.Teacher: And then if I cut it twice again?Tommy: Hamburger.
老师：如果我把一块牛排切成两半的两半，我能得到几块儿?汤米：四块。老师：那我要是再切两次，我能得到什么呢?汤米：汉堡。
幽默英语冷笑话：他正在拍照
Two sisters were looking at a book of religious pictures and came across a painting of the Virgin and the baby Jesus.
姐妹俩在看一本宗教画册时，刚好看到一幅圣母玛利亚和圣婴耶稣的图画。
"See there," said the older sister, "that's Jesus, and that's his mother."
姐姐说：“瞧，这是耶稣，这是他的妈妈。”
"Where's his dad?" the younger girl wanted to know.
“他的爸爸在哪里?”妹妹想知道。
Her sister thought for a moment and explained, "Oh, he's taking the picture."
姐姐想了一会儿，解释道：“噢，他正在拍照。”
幽默英语冷笑话：小孩你到底要闹那样
A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest boy and returned to her.
一位女士圣诞节购物时丢了钱包。一个诚实的小男孩捡到了钱包，还给了她。
Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm...that's funny. When I lost my purse there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills."
她看了看钱包，说：“嗯……真有趣。我丢钱包时，里面有一张20元的钞票。现在却有20张一元的钞票。”
The boy quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."
那个男孩马上回答说：“没错，太太。上次我捡到一位女士的钱包，她没有零钱酬谢。”