幽默爆笑英语笑话大全
冷笑话是近几年新兴的一种语言现象,它轻松诙谐、别具一格,给我们紧张的生活增添了几分轻松的情趣,它一出现便受到了大多数人的喜爱。小编整理了幽默爆笑英语笑话，欢迎阅读!
幽默爆笑英语笑话：谁都没空
I was going to bed the other night when my wife told me that I had left the light on in theshed. She could see from the bedroom window.
那天晚上，我刚要上床睡觉，妻子告诉我说我没有关储藏室的灯，她从卧室的窗户看见那还亮着。
As I looked for myself, I saw that there were people in the shed taking things. I phoned thepolice, but they told me that no one was in this area to help at this time, but they would sendsomeone over as soon as they were available.
我也透过窗户朝那边看，发现有几个人正在偷东西。我赶忙报警，但是警察局说现在没有警察在我家的这片位置，他们一有了人手就马上派过来。
I said OK, hung up, and waited one minute, then phoned the police back. "Hello. I just calledyou a minute ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry aboutthem now cause I've shot them all."
我说没问题，然后挂了电话，等了一分钟，又给他们打过去：“警察局吗，一分钟以前我打过电话来，我告诉你说有人正在我家的储藏室偷东西。但是现在没事了，因为我刚刚开枪把他们都打死了。”
Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, an Armed Response unit,the works. Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed. One of the officers said: "I thoughtyou said that you'd shot them!" I replied with "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
随后，五分钟之内有六辆警车来到了我家，警报也响了。当然，他们当场抓住了窃贼。有个警察对我说：“我记得你说你把他们都打死了。”我回答道：“我记得你说现在谁都没空。”
幽默爆笑英语笑话：谁都没空
I was going to bed the other night when my wife told me that I had left the light on in theshed. She could see from the bedroom window.
那天晚上，我刚要上床睡觉，妻子告诉我说我没有关储藏室的灯，她从卧室的窗户看见那还亮着。
As I looked for myself, I saw that there were people in the shed taking things. I phoned thepolice, but they told me that no one was in this area to help at this time, but they would sendsomeone over as soon as they were available.
我也透过窗户朝那边看，发现有几个人正在偷东西。我赶忙报警，但是警察局说现在没有警察在我家的这片位置，他们一有了人手就马上派过来。
I said OK, hung up, and waited one minute, then phoned the police back. "Hello. I just calledyou a minute ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry aboutthem now cause I've shot them all."
我说没问题，然后挂了电话，等了一分钟，又给他们打过去：“警察局吗，一分钟以前我打过电话来，我告诉你说有人正在我家的储藏室偷东西。但是现在没事了，因为我刚刚开枪把他们都打死了。”
Within five minutes there were half a dozen police cars in the area, an Armed Response unit,the works. Of course, they caught the burglars red-handed. One of the officers said: "I thoughtyou said that you'd shot them!" I replied with "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
随后，五分钟之内有六辆警车来到了我家，警报也响了。当然，他们当场抓住了窃贼。有个警察对我说：“我记得你说你把他们都打死了。”我回答道：“我记得你说现在谁都没空。”
幽默爆笑英语笑话：开业大吉
A new business was opening ... and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers forthe occasion.
新公司开业了，开业典礼上，经理的一个朋友送他一个花篮。
They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card,.... "Rest in Peace."
经理高声朗读着花篮上的贺卡：“安息吧。”
The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.
经理生气极了，打电话找来卖花的人要质问他是怎么回事。
After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this:somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, ..
花店老板来了，看到这个明显的错误和经理气急败坏的样子，他说：“我真得很抱歉。但是与其这么生气，你倒不如这样想：有另外一个地方，今天要举办一个葬礼，他们将会收到一个花篮，
'Congratulations on your new location!'"
留言条上写着‘恭喜你有了新的归属!’”
幽默爆笑英语笑话：晨起反应
The neighbor dropped in on a friendand found her sitting at the kitchen table,staring blankly ata half-empty cup of coffee,her three kids squabbling loudly in the other room.
一个邻居顺道去拜访自己的一位朋友，发现她正呆坐在厨房的桌子旁，眼睛茫然地盯着已经喝了一半的咖啡，她的三个孩子正在隔壁的房间里大声地喧哗。
"What's wrong ?" she asked.The friend told her that she had "morning sickness".
“怎么了?”她问。朋友告诉她自己不过是有点“晨起反应”。
Surprised the neighbor said,"I didn't even know you were pregnant."
邻居非常吃惊，说，“我甚至都不知道你又怀孕了!
"I'm not." the harried young woman replied."I'm just sick of mornings."
“哦，我没有怀孕，”年轻的妇人苦恼地回答，“我只是腻烦透了早上而已!”
幽默爆笑英语笑话：现代骑士精神
Sitting in his cab waiting for a fare, my friend's husband, William,watched as a torrential downpour left lake-size puddlesjust off the curb of the busy street.
我朋友的丈夫William(是一名出租车司机)，此时正坐在车里等着一名顾客付钱，同时，看着倾盆而下的大雨在那条忙碌的街道边上留下一些犹如湖一般大小的水洼。
Then the back door opened and a customer got in.
这时，车的后座门开了，一位顾客钻了进来。
As William asked the destination,the would-be passenger exited through the other door,successfully avoiding the puddles.
当William问她要到哪时，这名准乘客从车的另一扇门下去了，成功地躲开了那些水洼。
"Thanks,"; she said. "Chivalry isn't dead after all."
“谢谢”，女乘客说。“看来骑士精神毕竟还没有死”。