最新英语搞笑笑话大全

谨遵医嘱

Doctor's orders

Brown: I'm sorry to see you so unwell. Have you seen the doctor?

Jack: Yes. I'm having three baths a day.

Brown: What for?

Jack: Don't know, doctor's orders. He gave me some medicine and told me to follow the directions on the bottle, which read: "One tablespoonful to be taken three times a day in water."

情人节的梦

One night just before Valentine's Day a woman had a lovely dream about a beautiful necklace.

When she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamt that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's day. What do you think it could mean?"

"You'll find out on Valentine's Day." he said with a knowing smile.

On Valentine's Day, the man gave his delighted wife a beautifully wrapped package.

Excitedly, she opened it, only to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams".

半个还是十分之五

Teacher: Would you rather have one half of an orange or five tenths?

Gerald: I'd much rather have the half.

Teacher: Think carefully, and tell me why.

Gerald: Because you lose too much juice when you cut the orange into five tenths.

聪明的儿子

One day, the father lets eight-year-old son send a letter. The son took the letter. The father then remembered he didn't write address and addressee's name on the envelope.

After the son comes back, the father asks him: "You have thrown the letter into the mail box?"

"Certainly."

"You didn't notice that the envelope does not have address and addressee's name on it?"

"I certainly saw nothing written on the envelope."

"Then why didn't you take it back?"

"I thought that you did not write address and addressee, because you wouldn't let me know to whom you send the letter!"

什么也没留下

Mrs. Brown was going out for the day. She locked the house and tacked a note for the milkman on the door: "NOBODY HOME. DON'T LEAVE ANYTHING."

When she got back that night, she found her door broken open and her house ransacked. On the note she had left, she found the following message added:

"THANKS! WE HAVEN'T LEFT ANYTHING!"

布朗太太要外出一天。她锁好了房门，在门上给送牛奶的人钉了一张便条：“家里没人，请不要留下任何东西!”

她当天晚上回家后发现房间门被撞开，房子被洗劫一空。在她留给送奶人的便条上，她发现被补充了一句：“谢谢!我们什么也没留下!”