简单的英语笑话，爆笑英语笑话大全

笑话是民族文化不可或缺的一部分。透过笑话我们可以看到一个民族的生存环境、生活方式、社会关系和心理特征等等。下面是小编带来的简单爆笑英语笑话，欢迎阅读!

简单爆笑英语笑话篇一

Settle down and settle up 一字之差

When my brother, a notorious1 spender, came home for a visit, he told my father he was going to get married and settle down. Dad said, "Why don't you stay single and settle up."

我的哥哥是个有名的挥霍者。他回家来时，告诉父亲说他要结婚了，要安定下来。父亲说：“你为什么不实行独身主义，先把欠债还清呢?”

简单爆笑英语笑话篇二

To Drum Up Business 招揽生意

A man accidentally slipped on a banana peel(香蕉皮) and performed a very funny fall. He was not hurt, but had his dignity somewhat ruffled1.

When he got better a moment later, he found a number of people standing2 round in a circle. He said angrily, "What are these idlers doing here.?"

"They are not idlers," explained his friend. "This man is a doctor. He wants to look you over." That man is a lawyer. He is ready to file suit for you. And a producer of comic films is waiting for you to sign a contract agreeing to work for him."

有个人不小心踩到一块香蕉皮上，滑到的样子非常滑稽，引人发笑。他没有受伤，只是有点难情。

过了一会儿他感觉好些了的时候，发觉有好几个人围着他站成一圈。他很不高兴地说：“这些闲人在这里干什么呢?”

他的朋友解释说：“他们不是闲人。这个人是医生，他想给你检查一下。那个人是律师，他准备为你起诉。另一个人是喜剧电影的制片人，他在等你和他订一个同意去给他拍片的合约。”

简单爆笑英语笑话篇三

Giving Degrees 授予学位

Woodrow Wilson disapproved1 very strongly of indiscriminate(无差别的) giving of honorary degrees when he was president of Princeton University.

He said, "Our universities have learned recently to give honorary degrees carefully. But in the past it was very promiscuous2(混杂的). I had met a n uncouth3(笨拙的) person who had three degrees, but then he spoke4 and behaved very rudely."

I asked an acquaintance why it was. He said, "Well, the third was given because he had had two. He was given the second because he had had one, and he was given the first because he had gone."

伍德罗·威尔逊当普凌斯顿大学的校长时，强烈反对随便给人授予荣誉学位。

他说：“我们的大学最近才懂得授予授予荣誉学位要慎重，以前却是很随便的。我曾遇见一个很粗鲁的人，他有三个这样的学位，可是他的言谈举止很不文明。”

我问一个熟人为什么这个人能得到三个荣誉学位，他说：“授予他第三个学位是因为他已有了两个，给他第二个是因为他已有了一个，而给他第一个则是因为他没有学位。”

简单爆笑英语笑话篇四

Each Man Has His Merits 各有所长

A foreigner applied1 for citizenship2 paper in New York. The judge asked him, "Do you want to be made a citizen of the United States?" The foreigner replied, "Yes, Mr. Judge."

Then the judge said, "I must examine you, do you know how many states are in the Union?" The foreigner answered, "Mr. Judge, I think I should talk to you that each man has his merits. You know your business so you know how many states are in the Union. I know my business, so I know how many bananas are in a bunch."

有个外国人在纽约申请美国公民身份的证件。法官为他：“你想成为美国公民吗?” 外国人回答说：“是的，法官先生。”

法官说：“那我要考考你。你知道美国有多少个州吗?”外国人回答说：“法官先生，我想应该和你讲一下，人是各有所长的，你懂你的业务，所以你知道美国有多少个州，我懂我的业务，所以我知道一串香蕉有多少只。”

简单爆笑英语笑话篇五

Simple Calculation 简单估算费

A housewife didn't know how to estimate the cost of living, so she asked her husband about it。 Her husband said, "It's very simple. Take our income and add 30 per cent."

有个家庭主妇不知道怎样估算他们的生活费用，就去问她的丈夫。 她的丈夫说：“很简单。就是把我们的收入另外加30%”