让人喷饭的英语笑话大全

笑话是日常生活中常见的一种幽默。与一般日常会话不同,笑话刻意违反合作原则,由此衍生出会话含意,并利用会话含意之间的冲突实现其预定功能。本文是让人喷饭的英语笑话，希望对大家有帮助!

让人喷饭的英语笑话：When Enemy Soldiers Come at You 当敌兵袭击你时

The first sergeant was holding a class on combat for his company. He said, "Jose, what would you do if you saw 700 enemy soldiers coming at you?"

Jose said, "I would shoot them all with my rifle."

The sergeant asked, "On the fight you see 400 enemy soldiers charging at you. What would you do?"

Jose said, "I would shoot them with my rifle."

The sergeant continued, "Okay! On your left, Jose, you notice 1,000 enemy soldiers heading straight at you. What would you do?"

Jose answered. "I would shoot them all with my rifle."

The sergeant yelled, "Just a minute, Jose. Where are you getting all those bullets?"

The soldier smiled and said, "Where are you getting all those enemy soldiers in the same place?"

警官正在给他的连队上一堂战斗课，他问：“约瑟，假如你看到有700名敌兵正朝你冲过来，你会怎么办?“

约瑟说：“我会用我的枪打死他们。”

警官问：“你看到你的右方有400名敌兵正向你扑过来，你会怎么办?”

约瑟说：“我会用我的枪打死他们。”

警官继续说：“很好，约瑟，你注意到你的左方有1,000名敌兵正直冲你奔来，你会怎么办?”

约瑟又回答：“我会用我的枪打死他们。”

警官大叫：“稍等，约瑟，你是从哪里得到这些子弹的?”

士兵笑了笑，说道：“您在同一个地方从哪里把这些敌兵调集来的呢?”

让人喷饭的英语笑话：A Welcome Guest 受欢迎的听众

One afternoon while I was talking to a professor, my two-year-old daughter Melissa, wandered into a nearby classroom. There was a math class in progress and, to my dismay, Melissa sat down in the front row.

When I went in to get her, the instructor stopped me. "Young lady," he said, "I have been teaching calculus at this college for over 20 years. Not once in that time has anyone come to my class just because he or she wanted to. The child may stay."

一天下午，在我和一位教授说话的时候，我两岁的女儿玛丽莎转到了附近的一个教室里。那儿正在上数学课。更糟的是玛丽莎还居然坐在了前排的座位上。

当我走进去想把她抱出来时，上课的教授拦住了我。她说：“这位女士，我在这所大学里已经教了20多年的微积分。在这期间从未有人是出于自愿来到我的课堂，这个孩子可以呆在这里。”

让人喷饭的英语笑话：Friends of a feather 禽以毛聚

An American tourist was lunching in a restaurant in China, whose specialty was roast duck. The waiter explained each dish as he brought it to the table: "This is the breast of the duck. This is the leg of the duck. This is the wing of the duck…"

Then came a dish that the American knew was chicken. He waited for an explanation. Silence.

"Well," he finally asked, "What is this?"

"It's a friend of the duck," said the waiter.

一个美国的游客来到中国，他到了一家专营烤鸭的饭店进餐。服务员每次端上来一道菜都给他报上菜名：“这是鸭胸，这是鸭腿，这是鸭翅……”

这时又上的一个菜，那个美国人一看便知是鸡，但他想听听服务员会怎么报这个菜名。他等着，服务员却一个字也没说。

“唉!”他终于忍不住了，“这个菜叫什么?”

“这是鸭的朋友。”服务员答道。

让人喷饭的英语笑话：True feelings 真情

We were leaving a football game in a throng of people.

My husband, who never displays affection in public, took my hand. I has delighted. As we walked hand in hand out of the stadium. I looked up at him, smiling, and asked, "You don't want to lose me?"

"No," he said. "I don't want to look for you."

我们和一大群人在橄榄球比赛散场时纷纷撤离比赛场。

我那位从未在大庭广众之下流露感情的丈夫这时拉住了我的手，我非常高兴。当我们手拉手往体育场外走时，我抬着头看着他并笑着问：“你不想失去我，对吗?”

丈夫回答道：“不是，我只是不想去找你。”