英语经典幽默笑话及翻译

2017-03-22

英语经典幽默笑话1：

There was once a large，fat woman who had a small，thin husband. He had a job in a big company and was given his weekly wages every Friday evening. As soon as he got home on Fridays，his wife used to make hirn give her all his money，and then she used to give him back only enough to buy his lunch in the office every day.

曾有一位块儿大、膘肥的女人，她的丈夫却是瘦小、干瘪。丈夫是在一家大公司做事。每到周五晚上领到工资，也正是周五这位丈夫回家时，老婆就让他把所有钱都交出来，然后再给他一点儿在办公室吃午饭的钱。

One day the small man came home very excited. He hurried into the living-room. His wife was listening to the radio and eating chocolates.”You'll never guess what happened to me today，dear,"he said. He waited for a few seconds and then added:“I won ten thousand pounds on the lottery!”

一天，这位小丈夫回到家，兴奋得不得了。他匆匆忙忙地来到起居室。他老婆正在那儿听广播，吃巧克力。“亲爱的，你永远也猜不到我今天怎么了，”他说道，过了数秒钟他又说:“我中了一万英磅的彩票。”

"That's wonderful!"said his wife delightedly. But then she thought for a few seconds and added angrily，"But wait a moment! How could you afford to buy the ticket?".

“太棒了!”他老婆非常高兴地说。但她又沉思了一会儿并气愤地问:“你说说，你拿什么钱买的彩票?”

英语经典幽默笑话2：

A 747 was halfway across the Atlantic when the captain got on the loud speaker:"Attention，passengers. We have lost one of our engines，but we can certainly reach London with the three we have left. Unfortunately， we will arrive an hour late as a result. "

一架747客机正跨越大西洋时，喇叭里传来了机长的声音:“旅客们请注意，我们四个引擎之中有一个丢失了。但利下的三个引擎会把我们带到伦敦的。不幸的是因此我们书晚到一小时。”

Shortly thereafter，the passengers heard the captain's voice again:"Guess what，folks. We just lost our third engine，but please be assured we can fly with only one. We will now arrive in London three hours late. "

过了一会儿，旅客们又听到了机长的声音:“各位，你们猜怎么啦?”我们刚又掉了第三个引擎。但请你们相信好了，有一个引擎我们也能飞，但要晚三个小时了。”

At this point，one passenger became furious. "For Pete's sake,"he shouted，"If we lose another engine，we'll be up here all night !"

正在这时，一位乘客非常气愤地说:“看在上帝的扮止，如果我们再掉一个引拿，我们会整夜都呆在天上了。”

英语经典幽默笑话3：

The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon. As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to sleep during the sermon.

收师非常生气，因为总有一个人在他说教时睡觉。一个星期天，正当坐在前排的那个人打瞌睡时，牧师决定要好好地教育他不要睡觉。

In a whisper, he asked the congregation. "All who want to go to heaven, please rise，" Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering" Be seated"，the minister shouted at the top of his voice，"All those who want to be with the devil，please rise. "

他低声地对教徒们说:“想去天堂的人都站起来。”除打瞌睡的人外，每个人都站了起来。牧师说过请坐之后，高声喊道:“下地狱的请站起来!”

Awaking with a start，the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in the pulpit,”Well，sir," he said.,"I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ones for it."

打瞌睡的人被这突然的喊叫声所惊醒，站了起来。看到牧师高站在教坛上，正生气地望着他。他说:“先生，我不知我们在选什么，但看上去你和我是唯一的侯选人。”