简单爆笑的英语笑话大全

笑话使人们在刻板的生活中感到一丝快意和放松。与此同时,笑话也是人们反对极权和专制制度的有力武器。小编整理了简单爆笑的英语笑话，欢迎阅读!

简单爆笑的英语笑话：I can't get out

This was to be the new blonde(金发女郎) flight attendant's first overnight trip, so the Captain was showing her the best place for personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight. The next morning, as he was preparing the crew for the day's flight, he noticed the new flight attendant(空中服务人员) was missing. Since he knew which hotel room she was staying in he called her to find out what had happened.

Crying, she answered the phone and said, "Help, I can't get out of the room!" "What do you mean, you can't get out of the room?" the Captain asked.

"Well I can only find three doors," she sobbed(啜泣，呜咽) . "One is the bathroom, one is the closet and the other one has a sign on it that says, 'Do Not Disturb'!"

简单爆笑的英语笑话：Let's Pretend

A man and a woman who have never met before find themselves in the same sleeping carriage(硬卧) on a train. After the initial embarrassment they both go to sleep -- the man on the top bunk(铺位，床铺) , and the woman on the lower.

In the middle of the night the man leans over, wakes the woman and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I'm awfully cold and I was wondering if you could possibly get me another blanket?"

The woman leans out and, with a glint(闪烁，闪光) in her eye, says, "I have a better idea, just for tonight, let's make pretend that we're married."

The man says happily, "OK! Sure!"

The woman says, "GOOD. Get your own damn blanket!"

简单爆笑的英语笑话：Gardening Gloves

For months I hinted that I needed a new wedding ring, since I had developed anallergy(过敏，反感) to gold. On my birthday, while I was gardening, my husband asked me for gift suggestions. I held my hands up and said, "Well, you'll notice that my hands are bare."

Later that evening I opened my present with enthusiasm(热情) . "Happy birthday," he said, as I unwrapped(打开) a new pair of gardening gloves.

简单爆笑的英语笑话：You Can Come Down Now

The cruise ship my friend was working on docked(停驻) at a Mexican port during a very high tide. Everyone on board was forced to use the ship's narrow gangplank(跳板，踏板)as a passageway to the dock far below.

The staff stood motionless when a passenger in her 70s appear at the top of theplank(厚木板，支架) . There wasn't room for anyone to assist her, so she edged along slowly and finally made it to the dock safely, to everyone's relief. As she stepped down, she turned, looked back at the top of the plank and shouted, "It's okay, Mother, you can come down now."

简单爆笑的英语笑话：Don't You Like Any of Our Colours Today?

Mrs. Green was eighty, but she had a small car, and she always droveto the shops in it on Saturday and bought her food.

She did not drive fast, because she was old, but she drove well and never hit anything. Sometimes her grandchildren said to her, "Please don't drive your car, Gfandmother. We can take you to the shops."

But she always said, "No, I like driving. I've driven for fifty years, and I'm not going to stop now."

Last Saturday she stopped her car at some traffic-lights because they were red, and then it did not start again. The lights were green, then yellow, then red, then green again, but her car did not start.

"What am I going to do now?" She said.

But then a policeman came and said to her kindly, "Good morning. Don't you like any of our colours today?"