拉尔夫.里士满:第二次生命的启示

2017-03-14

Just ten years ago, I sat across the desk from a doctor with a stethoscope. “Yes, ” he said, “there is a lesion in the left, upper lobe. You have a moderately advanced case…” I listened, stunned, as he continued, “You’ll have to give up work at once and go to bed. Later on, we’ll see.” He gave no assurances.

Feeling like a man who in mid-career has suddenly been placed under sentence of death with an indefinite reprieve, I left the doctor’s office, walked over to the park, and sat down on a bench, perhaps, as I then told myself, for the last time. I needed to think. In the next three days, I cleared up my affairs; then I went home, got into bed, and set my watch to tick off not the minutes, but the months. 2 years and many dashed hopes later, I left my bed and began the long climb back. It was another year before I made it.

I speak of this experience because these years that past so slowly taught me what to value and what to believe. They said to me: Take time, before time takes you. I realize now that this world I’m living in is not my oyster to be opened but my opportunity to be grasped. Each day, to me, is a precious entity. The sun comes up and presents me with 24 brand new, wonderful hours—not to pass, but to fill.

十年前的一天,我坐在一名手持听诊器的医生对面。“你的左肺叶上部确实有一处坏损,而且病情正在恶化”——听到这里,我整个人一下懵了。“你必须停止工作卧床休息,有待观察。”医生对我的病情也是不置可否。

就这样,事业方面方兴未艾的我仿佛突然被人判了死刑,却说不准何时执刑。我离开医生的办公室,来到公园的长椅上坐下。这也许是最后一次来这儿了,我对自己说。我真得好好整理一下思绪。接下来的三天我把手头的事务全部处理完毕。我回到家,躺到床上,然后把手表从显示分钟改为显示月份。两年半的时间过去了,在无数次的失望之后,我终于可以离开病床,艰难地向从前的生活状态回归。一年之后,我做到了。

我之所以谈起这段经历,是因为那段度日如年的岁月让我懂得应该珍惜什么,信仰什么。那段岁月让我明白一个道理:牢牢抓住时间,而不是让时间将你套牢。现在我终于明白,我生活着的这个世界不是等待我去打开的一扇牡蛎,而是需要我去抓住的一个机会。每一天我都视若珍宝,每一轮太阳带给我的崭新的二十四小时都鲜活而精彩,我绝不可将其虚度。

I’ve learned to appreciate those little, all-important things I never thought I had the time to notice before: the play of light on running water, the music of the wind in my favorite pine tree. I seem now to see and hear and feel with some of the recovered freshness of childhood. How well, for instance, I recall the touch of the springy earth under my feet the day I first stepped upon it after the years in bed. It was almost more than I could bear. It was like regaining one’s citizenship in a world one had nearly lost.

Frequently, I sit back and say to myself, Let me make note of this moment I’m living right now, because in it I’m well, happy, hard at work doing what I like best to do. It won’t always be like this, so while it is I’ll make the most of it—and afterwards, I remember—and be grateful. All this, I owe to that long time spent on the sidelines of life. Wiser people come to this awareness without having to acquire it the hard way. But I wasn’t wise enough. I’m wiser now, a little, and happier.

“Look thy last on all things lovely, every hour.” With these words, Walter de la Mare sums up for me my philosophy and my belief. God made this world—in spite of what man now and then tries to do to unmake it—a dwelling place of beauty and wonder, and He filled it with more goodness than most of us suspect. And so I say to myself, Should I not pretty often take time to absorb the beauty and the wonder, to contribute a least a little to the goodness? And should I not then, in my heart, give thanks? Truly, I do. This I believe.

如今,我仿佛重返童年,又觉得自己所见所闻所感的一切都那么新鲜。当我卧床数年后重新将双脚踏在大地上的那一刻,脚下那久违了的松软土壤让我激动得情难自抑,仿佛重新拥有我差一点就失去的世界。

我现在时常舒舒服服地坐着,提醒自己要记住当下的每分每秒,因为现在的我健康、快乐,能努力做自己最爱做的工作。这一切如此美好,却终将消逝,在如此美好的生活消逝之前,我一定要倍加珍惜。在它逝去之后,我会记得曾经拥有的美好,并心存感激。这一切改变都得益于我在生命边缘徘徊的那几年。智者无需被逼到如此境地也能明白这些道理——可惜我从前太愚钝。现在的我比从前多了几分睿智,我也因此更加快乐。

英国诗人沃尔特.德拉.梅尔曾说过:“时刻记住,最后看一眼所有美好的事物!”这句诗正好总结了我的人生哲学与信仰。上帝创造的这个世界——这个人类时常试图毁灭的世界——是个美丽奇妙的家园。这里充满了上帝所赐予的美好事物,超过我们大多数人的想象。我于是常常自问,难道自己不应该去细细品味这些美丽与奇迹,尽绵薄之力去创造世间的美好吗?难道我不应心存感激吗?我确实应该——这就是我的信仰。

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