好文章欣赏：胆怯，还在拖你的后腿吗

摘录：其实害羞和极度自我怀疑比你想象的要常见，它们拖住了成千上万个像你一样的人的步伐，阻碍他们享受生活的刺激，干扰他们充实生活。但这并不意味你对其束手无策。胆怯也并非注定。世间没有任何力量能够阻止你发出耀眼的光芒。

好文章欣赏：胆怯，还在拖你的后腿吗

Were you one of those shy kids clinging to your mom’s leg? Did you dodge attention, feel inferior and avoid being called out? Still doing that as an adult?

Shyness and overwhelming self-doubt are more common than you think, and they’re holding back millions of people just like you from living more exciting and fulfilling lives. But it doesn’t mean that you can’t destroy that terrifying fear that has been holding you back. You aren’t meant to be shy. And there is no reason you can’t shine in your own way.

From social gatherings, to business meetings, to your one-on-one relationships, if you want to break free from shyness, create better relationships and be more comfortable in your skin when you are around people then read on. There are time-tested techniques that have served me well in my personal life, as well as helping my clients. In a world where relationships are everything, you must set yourself apart and still stay true to who you are. Here is how to break free from shyness:

童年时你是否喜欢躲在妈妈身后?那时你是否害怕引人注意，被人一喊名字你就战战兢兢?成后年你还是那样吗?

其实害羞和极度自我怀疑比你想象的要常见，它们拖住了成千上万个像你一样的人的步伐，阻碍他们享受生活的刺激，干扰他们充实生活。但这并不意味你对其束手无策。胆怯也并非注定。世间没有任何力量能够阻止你发出耀眼的光芒。

从社交聚会，到商务会议，再到二人关系，如果你想挣脱胆怯的绳索，打造更好的人际关系，或者想在人多的场合中感到舒适自在，那就继续往下读。我个人就有一些历经时间筛选的方式，它们适用于我，同时也帮助了我的客户。在这个关系说了算的时代，你必须在面面俱到的同时又不忘自我。以下就是克服羞怯的方式：

It’s more of a mindset than what you do.

胆怯只是心态问题

From someone who has overcome overwhelming shyness and helps people gain more self-confidence to create more connection with other people, I’m about to break it down for you. What you are about to learn is the mindset of people who stand out, go after what they want and have great relationships.

作为一个克服了自我胆怯并且成功帮助他人获得社交自信的过来人，我也将助你攻克难关。你需要学习那些出众的人的心态，看他们有哪些需求，又是怎样建立了广泛的人脉资源。

This is a state of mind that if adapted will help you in your love life, your career, your health and your spiritual life.

如果你掌握了这种心态，那你的爱情、事业、健康和精神世界都将得到帮助。

What are some limiting beliefs about yourself that you currently hold that need to be changed?

至今你有哪些局限的思维需要改变?

Set realistic expectations.

树立实际期望

Everyone wants something different. One person may want to be on stage, whereas someone else may just want to be comfortable on a date or in a business meeting.

每个人都想有所作为。有人渴望万众瞩目，也有人期待一场快乐的约会或者会议。

As you learn these techniques and insights, it is important to be very clear about what you want and what it looks like. The goal here is to get you to feel good about being who you are and connecting with people.

你要掌握这些技巧和洞察力，因为你得清楚自己想要什么，清楚那些渴望是怎样的情形。这个目的在于让你自信地做自己也能自信地与人交往。

Everyone has a different expectation when it comes to what they want and how they want to feel when they connect to people.

说到与人打交道和其目的时，每个人都有不同的期许。

What do you want? How do you want to feel when you are around people? What does that look like for you?

你的目的是什么?当你与别人在一起时你是作何感受?而你又是怎样的状态?

Focus on sharing.

注意分享

By far, the most effective technique in overcoming shyness is to switch your consciousness from you to them.

目前为止，克服胆怯最为有效的方式就是将自我意识转移到他人身上。

Remember the last time you were in a situation and you were nervous or shy? I’d be willing to bet you were focusing on yourself: how you looked, what you were going to say, or how different you were from everyone else.

还记得最近那个使你紧张或羞怯的场景吗?我敢打赌你肯定是将注意力集中到自己身上了：你在乎自己的外表，关心要说什么话或者如何做到与众不同。

People that shine are focusing on delivering, serving and benefiting others in some way. They focus outward, not inward. Sure, it’s important to be aware of how you are being perceived, but people always remember how you make them feel. In order to make them feel good you must focus on sharing with them.

出众的人都只注意与别人交流，为他人服务或帮助他人。他们看见的是外在事物而非自我感受。当然，偶尔注意下别人对自己的看法也是有必要的，但人们往往只会记得你给他们的印象。所以为了让对方有个好印象，你必须专注于分享。

Next time you are in an uncomfortable situation, shift your focus to someone else and ask yourself how you can help them or add value to their lives.

下次如果你处于别扭的情形中，就把自我身上的注意力转到别人身上吧，并且问问自己怎样才能帮助他们或者给他们的人生增添价值。

Be interested instead of trying to be interesting.

对周围感兴趣，而非让周围对你感兴趣

Make the focus of every conversation about someone else at first. This will take the pressure off of you and make them feel significant. Asking questions and genuinely caring about what the person says immediately gets you out of your own head and makes the person feel special.

开始要将注意力集中在和别人的每场对话中。这能减少压力并且别人也能找到存在感。无论对方在谈论何事，你都要及时提点问题并且由衷地关心，这样才能避免你沉浸在自我的世界中，同时说话的人也会感到有意义。

Be mindful not to interrogate, but simply show a curiosity about their world. Actually listen to their voice and less to that voice of doubt in your head.

注意不要去打断别人，可以时不时地表现出你的好奇。要真正地听取对方的话，而不要在脑袋中质疑内容的正确与否。

Your outcome is to have the confidence to create more authentic relationships with people. In order to do that you must build a comfortable bond with them. When you discover more about someone, connect your similar interests to create that bond.

你的目的是有信心去建立更加牢靠的关系。为了做到这一点你必须在彼此间找到对味的话题。当你更加了解一个人之后，你仍要兴趣不减地继续创造那种话题。

How will you start to be more interested in people? Will you ask them about their job, their taste in music, or an experience they had? Next time you do, seek for common interests to build a bond.

那你要怎样才能做到对一个人更加感兴趣呢?你会问及他们的工作，音乐的品味或者曾有过的经历吗?下次问别人的时候，找一个共同感兴趣的话题。

Embrace vulnerability.

拥抱脆弱

Trying to pretend that you are not nervous makes people nervous.

故作镇定只会让别人不淡定。

I was in a small workshop one time, shaking in my shoes. I just came right out and said, "You know what, you guys? This is my first time speaking in front of you and I’m terrified! Yikes!" Everyone opened up and started joking around. It broke the ice. I immediately felt more comfortable because I felt a part of them.

有一次在一个小车间里，我紧张得双脚哆嗦。于是我就站了起来然后说道，“伙计们，你们知道吗?这是我第一次在大家面前发言，紧张死了!哎呀!”众人听了都放开了，接着开始说笑。尴尬的局面就这样被打破。我瞬间觉得不忐忑了，因为找到了归属感。

Brené Brown, an expert in vulnerability (yes, there is actually an expert in vulnerability), says that courage actually comes from vulnerability. Ironically, people actually find vulnerability endearing. It makes them want to protect you, it makes you human, and it makes you relatable.

布勒·布朗是脆弱专家(确实，真的有这种专家)，他说勇气实则源自脆弱。滑稽的是，人们事实上觉得脆弱是讨喜的事。因为那能让别人对你产生保护欲，而你也因此才具人性，这是能产生共鸣的特点。

Trust me, I hung out with the cool kids and the oddballs, too. They are all the same. Everyone freaks out at some time or another. Be vulnerable. It’s OK!

相信我，潮人和异类我都接触过。二者都一样。但人们有时就是排斥其中之一。所以，脆弱没什么大不了!