简单的短篇英文笑话精选

在交际场合,能恰到好处地讲个笑话或自创一个幽默,不仅可以体现自己的语言水平,还可以提升个人魅力。小编精心收集了简单的短篇英文笑话，供大家欣赏学习!

简单的短篇英文笑话：Free Drinks For Everybody

One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: "Drinks for all on me including you, bartender." So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: "That will be $36.50 please." The drunk says he has no money so the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

The next night the same drunk comes in again, goes up to the bartender and orders a drink for everyone in the bar including the bartender. Again the bartender follows instructions and again the drunk says he has no money. So the bartender slaps him around and throws him out.

On the third night he comes in, the drunk comes in a says, "Drinks all around, except for you bartender!"

"What, no drink for me?" asks the bartender.

"No way...you get violent when you drink."

简单的短篇英文笑话：Biblical Signs

George W. Bush, in an airport lobby, noticed a man in a long flowing white robe with a long flowing white beard and flowing white hair. The man had a staff in one hand and some stone tablets under the other arm.

George W. approached the man and inquired, "Aren't you Moses?"

The man ignored George W. and stared at the ceiling.

George W. positioned himself more directly in the man's view and asked again, "Hey there! Aren't you Moses?"

The man continued to peruse the ceiling.

George W. tugged at the man's sleeve and asked once again, "HEY THERE! Aren't you Moses???"

The man finally responded in an irritated voice, "Yes, I am."

George W., a bit peeved at this point then asked, "Why the cold shoulder?"

To which Moses replied, "The last time a bush spoke to me I ended up spending forty years in the wilderness."

简单的短篇英文笑话：Mr. Ferdinand's Lunch 费迪南德先生的午餐

One morning Mrs. Ferdinand said to her husband: "Roger, there's a meeting at Mrs. Young's house at lunch time today, and I want to go to it. I'll leave you some food for your lunch. Is that all right?" "Oh, yes." Her husband answered, "That's quite all right. What are you going to leave for my lunch?"

"This tin of fish," Mrs. Ferdinand said, "and there are some cold, boiled potatoes and somebeans here, too."

"That's good." Mr. Ferdinand said. "I'll have a good lunch." So Mrs. Ferdinand went to her meeting. All the ladies lunched at Mrs. Young's house, and at three o'clock Mrs. Ferdinand came home.

"Was your fish nice, Roger?" She asked.

"Yes, but my feet are hurting." He answered.

"Why are they hurting?" Mrs. Ferdinand asked.

"Well, the words on the tin are 'open tin and stand in hot water for five minutes!'"

一天早晨，费迪南德太太对丈夫说：“罗杰，今天杨太太要在午餐的时候在家里举办一个聚会，我打算去参加，我给你准备了些食品当午餐，行吗?”她的丈夫回答说：“行啊，很好。那你准备了些什么?”

费迪南德太太说：“一罐鱼，还有一些冷冻的炸土豆和青豆。”

费迪南德先生说：“真是棒极了，我可以享用一顿美味的午餐了。”说完，费迪南德太太去出席聚会了。周围所有的太太也都参加了杨太太家的聚会。直到下午三点的时候，费迪南德太太才回到家。

“罗杰，鱼好吃吗?”她问丈夫。

丈夫回答：“好吃，可是我的脚却弄伤了。”

费迪南德太太问：“怎么弄伤的?”

“你看，罐头的说明书上写着：’打开罐头，在烫水中站立5分钟’。”

简单的短篇英文笑话：A Real Fortune-teller 真正的算命先生

While Milgrom waited at the airport to board his plane, he noticed a computer scale that would give your weight and a fortune.

He dropped a quarter in the slot, and the computer screen displayed: "You weigh 195 pounds, you"re married and you're on your way to San Diego." Milgrom stood there dumbfounded.

Another man put in a quarter and the computer read："You weigh 184 pounds, you're divorced and you're on your way to Chicago."

Milgrom was amazed. Then he rushed to the men's room, changed his clothes and put on dark glasses. He went to the machine again. The computer read: "You still weigh 195 pounds, you're still married, and you just missed your plane to San Diego!"

米尔格鲁姆在机场等待登机的时候，注意到了一个电脑秤，它既能称体重又能算命。

他把一个两毛五的硬币丢进电脑秤的一个小孔里，电脑屏幕上显示出这样一行字：“你的体重是195磅，你已经结婚，你将要去往圣迭戈。”米尔格鲁姆顿时站在那里发起了愣。

又有一个人过来了， 他也把硬币丢进电脑秤里，屏幕上显示：“你的体重是184磅，你已经离婚了，你将要去往芝加哥。”

米尔格鲁姆很是惊讶。于是，他冲进洗手间，换了一套衣服，戴上了墨镜，又一次走到电脑称前。这次屏幕上显示：“你的体重依然是195磅，你依然是个结了婚的人。只是你刚刚错过飞往圣迭戈的飞机。”