简单的英语冷笑话精选

冷笑话是近几年才出现的新兴语言现象，它以网络为主要的传播方式。小编精心收集了简单的英语冷笑话，供大家欣赏学习!

简单的英语冷笑话：Where does God live

Teacher: Where does God live?

Student: I think he lives in our bathroom.

Teacher: Why do you say that?

Student: Well, every morning my daddy bangs on the door and says, "God, are you still in there?"

简单的英语冷笑话：Intelligence

Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other, "Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?" "I don't know," responded the other. "I'll ask him."

So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss. "Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?" "Intelligence," the boss said. "What do you mean, intelligence'?"

The boss said, "Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can." The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree. The boss said, "That's intelligence!"

The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked, "What did he say?" "He said we are down here because of intelligence." "What's intelligence?" said the friend. The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said, "Take your shovel and hit my hand."

简单的英语冷笑话：Child birth

Should children witness child birth?

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call.

The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.

Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.

Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born.

The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Kathleen quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place........smack his ass again!"

简单的英语冷笑话：Trash can drumers

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school.

He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began.

The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered.

The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street.

Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age."

"Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing."

The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.

After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face. "This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."

The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they accepted his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.

"Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"

"A lousy quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts!

No way, mister. We quit!" And the old man enjoyed peace and serenity for the rest of his days.

简单的英语冷笑话：All you can drink

There was a business man driving down this country road when he spotted a little boy that had a lemonade stand. Since it was quite hot and he was thirsty, he decided to stop.

Once he got up to the little boy's stand, he noticed a sign that said "All you can drink 10 cents," and a single, very small glass.

Well, he thought that it was a very small glass, but since it was only 10 cents for all he could drink, he decided to get some anyway.

He gave the boy a dime, and shot down the whole glass in one swig. He slapped the glass back onto the table and said, "fill 'er up."

The kid replied, "Sure thing, that'll be 10 cents."

To this the business man said, "But your sign says all you can drink for a dime."

"It is," the little boy